Blonde And Blonder

Jokes come in packs, variations of the same theme that are used as the basis of the humor. For example a popular joke format now concerns the actor Chuck Norris. One of the most popular and long lasting themes for jokes has been the blonde joke. While it is not fair to assume that a young woman is unbelievably stupid because of her hair the jokes can be funny. My own wife who is currently blonde collects them. While this is a reasonably good subject for a three or four line joke it will wear very thin awfully fast if you try to use it as a basis for a feature length movie. This is the case with the latest film by Dean Hamilton, ‘Blonde and Blonder’. The title is obviously an attempt to tie the film to the cult gross out classic ‘Dumb and Dumber’. After watching both flicks there is only one thing they have in common. Both were made on film and both are released on DVDs that are shiny. This is not to say that ‘Dumb and Dumber’ was a great movie, it wasn’t but in a puerile way it was funny. While there are some giggles to be had here there is a widely accepted notion that a comedy should have actual laughs. Another film that took the blonde joke fad on was ‘Legally Blonde’ but that had the twist of having the blonde in question show herself as the smartest one around. In this film it is amazing that the pair of blonde characters can function in society at all.

The writer and director Dean Hamilton is used to movies such as this although this particular flick does represent a nadir of his career. He has a few TV movies to his credit and they weren’t great but they held together better than this one does. He does depend on stunt casting, getting actors with some name recognition to appear. There was ‘Supermodels in the Rainforest: Costa Rica’ which featured super models Tyra Banks and Frederique Van Der Wal. They were obviously not hired for their great resumes in acting. The same holds true for the movie under consideration here. It stars Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson; too women that are well know to any male in the world who has pasted puberty. Both women have been in other raunchy comedies and have deported themselves quite well. They both have a great sense of humor and the ability to do well in self deprecating humor. Unfortunately, while there are elements of that here it is too little to carry the film. This is a one joke film. The girls are dumber than the proverbial box of hammers; I get it. There are only so many situations that can be shown to demonstrate this fact.

Besides Mr. Hamilton the credits list two others as the scriptwriters; Gerry Anderson and Rolfe Kanefsky. It is a bit of a mystery why it took three grown men to come up with the script for this flick. I do suspect that there was a good quantity of alcoholic beverages involved. Kanefsky did write several of the ‘Emmanuelle’ and ‘Sex Files’ series so he knows his way around the utilization of the physical attributes of women. These are also flicks were very few people are going to examine the scripts. Anderson has only one other film to his credit besides this one but there is a pending credit for ‘Blonde and Blonder II’ so if you do happen to enjoy this film rest assured the sequel is in the works. This film makes a great case for more legal regulations on the sale and use of blonde hair coloring.

The film opens with a shot of an old VW bug parking in a nearly empty parking lot. Dee (Pamela Anderson) goes into the bathroom and begins primping; applying a copious quantity of hairspray and makeup. She is dressed entirely in pink as if dosed by gallons of Pepto Bismol. It turns out she is at a small airport where she runs into another blonde all in pink, Dawn (Denise Richards). Donning goggles they both head off to a small plane and get in. After complimenting each other on their outfits they take off for a flying lesson. Each one thinks the other is the instructor but somehow they manage to take off. They finally crash on a golf course that is filled with lawyers begging to take their case. One thing about the terminally stupid in films, they always live through everything. Cut to an ominous office where a mob boss orders a hit on an informant who went into witness protection. The boss doesn’t want his own man to do the job; they need someone to move undetected. He decides that they need to hire a professional assassin known as the Cat (Emmanuelle Vaugier). She lives in a mansion with her partner slash girlfriend known as the Kit (Meghan Ory). The Cat is about to retire but has to do this one last job for the Godfather before turning the business over the Kit. Meanwhile Dee and Dawn have become friends. It’s only natural since both like pink, blonde hair and not thinking. They find out that they live next door to each other. Dee has been there for nine months; Dawn hasn’t been there that long she has lived there only a year. Through a series of improbably, no, impossible circumstances they are mistaken for Cat and Kit. Now Ms Anderson could smother a man to death with her ‘attributes’ but to confuse this pair, or foursome depending on how you count them, is beyond ridiculous. They misunderstand completely when they are asked to ‘take out’ the target, Mr. Wong (Byron Mann).The real mob wouldn’t hire these girls to work in the strip club, they most likely would fall off the stage.

There is a place for a silly movie. They are great after a hard day at work when you just want to sit back and turn off your brain and forget your adult responsibility for awhile. This flick requires major neurosurgery to basically scoop out all parts of your brain except for the parts that control the heart and lungs. There was potential here that was not met. As mentioned both actresses have demonstrated that they can be funny. There is nothing in this film to allow any talent to show through. There are beer and pizza films that are fun to watch and make fun of in a group on a rainy Saturday afternoon. This film requires the output of Milwaukee.

Posted 01/15/08