Ben Franklin once noted that there is nothing as certain as death and taxes. It seems that he may have overlooked one additional item on that list, sex. Next to breathing and eating it is one of the most fundamental drives for most animals, human beings included. History reinforces this claim. It didn’t take long after the invention of photography before someone got a nubile young lady to pose sans clothing form him, After all painters have been doing it for centuries. Then, the moving picture was invented and lo and behold someone made the first movie with naked people. In the sixties when those of my generation were discovering the opposite sex anything that depicted a sexual act was considered taboo. Most of us had copies of Playboy hidden in our rooms and we would scan the newspapers for any film that was condemned and try to get in to see it the next weekend. Now if you want to see nudity or sexual activity it is easier than during any other time in history. There is cable television with a lot of late night programming of what is commonly called soft core pornography. Those interested in the harder variation don’t have to look far with the internet and DVDs abounding with such material. During most of this time there was a fine line between pornography and mainstream movies. Some mainstream movies have begun to forego simulated sexual intercourse in favor of the actors engaged in the real thing. Hard core pornography has grown from a little underground business to on that commands revenues of billions of dollars annually. One of the most popular trends in the adult film industry is to make parodies of hit Hollywood films. I won’t go into examples of the titles but it is fairly certain that you can think of at least a few off the top of your head.

‘Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge’ is an attempt at adult film actors and producers to create a film that can be watered down version that is suitable for a more mainstream audience. The result is a lot like what you would see on Cinemax at night. I recently had a debate with a friend of mine that centered around which gender is the target audience for these movies. My contention was it was made for the women watching. This is based on the fact that most have a plot, not necessary for most guys, and are emotionally driven to at least some extent. These soft core flicks are in reality visual romance novels. ‘Stagnetti’ fits into this classification. Let’s face it; if you glance at the romance novel section of a bookstore it is certain that a few of the covers will display a pirate theme. This kind of story has rugged, lawless men taking to seas and landing to ravage the beautiful young damsel in distress. This is the perfect theme for a crossover movie. Pirates appeal to all ages and genders albeit the younger set is precluded from this particular take on the pirate tale.

The film was written by Max Massimo and Joone both of whom were involved in the screenplay for the original adult flick ‘Pirates’. In this sequel the ‘action’ have to be more intense, the story grander in scope and the special effects over the top. While this is the second film of any sort for Massimo Joone has been in the business for about eight years and has a large number of films to his name. Most of the titles are not suitable for listing in a family friendly venue. In this work there is something that you might not expect from the genre; an attempt to provide a plot. This flick has plenty of gratuitous sex but it is not a ‘boom chicka wah wah’ movie at all. It has been called, at least by the producers, the biggest film in adult movie history and perhaps it is. This could actually succeed in making an adult film into part of the mainstream after all. The main plot involves the resurrection of the dastardly Captain Stagnetti who was apparently dispatched rather brutally in the first film. A noted female pirate hunter must join forces with a notorious pirate to find a particularly evil pirate from bringing Stagnetti back from the dead. This would threaten the seafaring economy of the King as well as bringing general chaos to the world. I have never heard of an adult film of this type using some many elaborate special effects. To be honest they are no where near the quality of a modern blockbuster movie but are about on par with a Saturday night flick typically shown on the Sci-Fi channel. I almost hate to say this but the movie was entertaining and not in the snickering down in the basement hiding from your parents juvenile way. The actors may be best known in their unique community for the ability to perform sexual acts that would injury an Olympic gymnast but a few of them can actually act. One stood out as a lot of fun to watch, Evan Stone as the ‘good’ pirate captain Edward Reynolds. He has a natural sense of comic timing and is fantastic with his physical humor. He can also contort his face into expressions that are bound t make you laugh. Of course, the very next minute he is rolling in bed or any nearby semi-horizontal surface with a beautiful young woman or two. If you have ever wondered how it is that everyone in the adult film industry is listed as a porn star this film will show this is not always the case. There are porn character actors and porn extras in abundance here.

The film starts out on a bit of a high note going directly into more conventional action. A ship carrying an Archbishop (Gary James) is being chased by a pirate vessel flying a strange flag. The pirates are about to board the ship and the Archbishop goes to hide below deck. He swallows a small, glowing orb to make sure the pirates cannot retrieve it. The pirates soon win the battle and one of the men captures the archbishop while a mysterious woman, Xifeng (Katsumi) looks on. She cuts the orb out of the priest; it is the key to bringing back the heinous Stagnetti. The King gets Captain Reynolds and his first mate the well endowed Jules Steel (Jesse Jane) to join forces and hunt down the pirates and prevent them from succeeding in their deadly plan. Adding to the incentive the King has promised to pardon a pirate friend of Reynolds’, Sarina, from execution.

I was surprised that there was not as much sex and nudity than I anticipated. Yes, there is some in an R rated fashion but I have seen more in a typical college themed comedy. This is a very funny flick that can stand up to the R comedies that have become so popular of late. Some of the adult stars of notoriety keep all of their clothes on throughout the film. The focus is on the humor more than the sex and that is a refreshing change for a movie of this type.