Savage Planet (2006)

Since the middle of the twentieth century one theme has dominated science fiction; exploring far distant worlds. The concept of going to another planet has resulted in Sci-Fi writers in coming up with imaginative methods of braking the Einstein speed of light universal speed limit. These ideas run the gamut from warp drive to worm holes and even teleportation. While some may have the ring of plausibility so far none look like they will be real any time soon. Fans put up with them and even embrace these far fetched means of faster than light transportation since without it you have decades or even centuries between planets and that does tend to kill the pace of a story. In one of the latest Sci-Fi Channel’s so called Saturday Night specials, ‘Savage Planet’ the method of choice is something they call ‘deep space teleportation’. Since these original flicks are made fast and cheap this is perfect. You save a ton of money but not needed any shots of space ships, no warp effects are required and no worries about the time required traveling even if you are going beyond the speed of light. You just pop off of Earth and wham, you’re there. Of course since this is a Sci-Fi Saturday night flick whether something is possible has little to do with anything. All that matters is the only television the movie was up against was reruns and nobody really expects a masterpiece here. The flick is reasonable considering its origins but will never make a top ten list.

This flick uses a time honored plot device of science fiction; play upon the prevalent fears of the public. In the fifties it was the spread of the red menace, communism. Radiation and genetic engineering have had their turn up at bat for numerous Sci-Fi stories. For a film made in 2006 a new concern had to be used; the environment. Most people have either seen or heard about how mankind is destroying the ecological balance of our planet. In this particular case it is the atmosphere that is in danger. It does make for more suspense than going to another planet to save the spotted owl after all. The thing with these original flicks is they are generally bad. The effects are not up to what audiences have come to expect. The dialogue is forced and the acting stiff. In a film like this there is bound to be a generation gap. For the youthful members viewing they are going to pop in a DVD of the latest big budget Sci-Fi blockbuster. For those of us that started watching movies with Saturday afternoon matinees we are more prone to be forgiving. Films like ‘Savage Planet’ are technically not any worse than the pulp novel flicks we grew up with. We are a generation that grew up with movies where you could see a stick attached to the rubber monster or the zipper running up the back of the alien. When somebody brings back the old grindhouse action flicks of the past they are geniuses. Science fiction has become so dependent on special effects that try to bring back the corny flicks of the fifties and they are universally panned. The point is some flicks are just meant to be a little escapist fun and this one can be considered to work on this level. Are the effects bad, yes incredibly so. Is the acting bad? I have seen high school productions that were better. This film is a beer and pizza flick to watch and possible do a home game version of MST3K with. Just make sure you have a lot of beer on hand.

The flick does get right into things. It opens with a group of four people walking through a forest. The title cards fill us in that they are on Project Arc with a destination of Planet Oxygen. The leader of the team takes some readings and notes the oxygen content is better than back on earth. Forget the scenes with them getting there; it’s a moot point now. Something sinister is watching them; we know because the camera gets jumpy and the color balance is pushed a lot. A woman walking behind the leader is flaying away with a machete to clear the brush and chops his hand clean off is a gush of blood. He falls backwards through a hole and his stump lands in some green goop; it is defiantly not his day. Miraculously his hand grows back. With this kind of luck let’s hope the lottery is still going back on earth. Before he can get out of the hole a bear attacks him, forget that lottery ticket after all. The best this flick can do for a monster on another planet is some circus trained bear. Back on earth the year is 2068 and things are really bad. The air has become so polluted that people without the correct breathing gear are dying but the hundreds of thousands. Al Gore didn’t cover this contingency in his movie. Millions are still dying ten years after the Indian-Pakistani nuclear exchange. Randall Cain (Sean Patrick Flanery) is called into a top priority project. Cain is a bit old fashion. He meets some men he knows in the hallway boasting of their new weapon be he prefers the old school gun in his holster. The entire major world corporations are pooling their resources for off world solutions. The goal is to take the deep-space teleporting device and go to planet Oxygen. It has the right DNA to make possible the creation of new oxygen. The team, including a company lawyer is sent to explore the planet. There is also a guy with a tattoo on his face, Joe Alvares (Anthony Ashbee) sent along for the explicit safety of the company man going alone. They send the lawyer over first to set up the rest of the equipment, good move using him instead of one of the scientists they have on staff. Everyone teleports to the planet alright except for Alvares who is twisted and bleeding upon arrival. It looks like tattoo ink doesn’t teleport well.

The rest of the film is the group wondering around and getting picked off one by one. There are at least two decapitations and one lamentable person cut in half and still alive, well at least for a short while. The space bears are just some stock footage of brown bears in some national park. They didn’t even bother to make them look like they are from some other planet or try to have them interact with the cast. You get some growling off screen, standard footage of the bears, shaky camera work and color filters and some screaming. They also have an old fake bear paw that looks like it was a hold over from the Soupy Sales show. You can make a drinking game out of this. Take a shot every time you hear a bear sound. You will get quite a buzz on by the end credits. Of course the real purpose is not saving the world but getting the regenerating green goop to help the company profits soar. Who cares if the world is dying as long as you go out rich?

Anchor Bay has been releasing these Sci-Fi Channel Saturday night specials for awhile now. Some are passable, a few are interesting but this one is just for unintentional laughs.

Posted 02/13/08